JOKER'S CORNER

[tom]

i recently saw a humorous web page that said these are children's real answers to Bible questions....

*1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT
TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

*2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S
WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS
CAME ON IN PEARS.* *
*
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A
BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT *

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY
THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
*
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY
BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH. *
*
*6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
APOSTLES.

*7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA ! WHERE THEY MADE
UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

*8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE
TEN COMMANDMENTS

*9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT
THE APPLE.

*10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
ADULTERY.

*11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN
JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
*
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA
TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

*13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING
THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE
WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

*14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
PORCUPINES.
*
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE
SANG THE MAGNA CARTA. *

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED
THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
*
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
CONTRAPTION. *
*
*18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

*19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO
UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED
A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

*20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND
MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

*21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12
DECIBELS.
*
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

*23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A
TAXIMAN.

*24 ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY
ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.* *

*25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED
MONOTONY*

[Edwin]

I don't know how many of you are familiar with Bill and Gloria Gaither, but they are Christian musicians. They are of the Baptist persuation, and they have written lots of Christian music as well as gathering Christian performers and holding sing concerts. Billy Graham's wife was on one of them, but I'm not sure about Billy Graham as he was pretty sick with the parkinson's disease. He has had other talented and well known musicians who have become Christians and participated in his singing concerts.

Gaithers had a pianist that was talented beyond what you could imagine unless you heard him. When he played, especially his solo performances he was all over the keyboard with runs and the like. He was very young, but he got heart problems and died of a heart attack a few years ago.

Bill Gaither found this blind piano player to take his place. The blind piano player was not as boisterous and exuberant with his playing as the one who died, but he is pretty good. Bill Gaither was proud of him, and especially with his being blind he could play really well. Gaither was telling that he could play anything that he heard once, and all you had to do was hum the song, and he could play it. Bill Gaither said that he had a photographic memory which no doubt is true. Some little old ladies heard Bill Gaither say that and they were repeating it to others, and told that this blind piano player had a pornographic memory. I guess there is a difference!

[Edwin]

We had a friend post on facebook a little saying. Here in the USA there have been bumper stickers that people have put on cars for many years that read, "Honk If You Love Jesus." This friend of ours posted on facebook a sticker that read, "Honk If YOu Love Jesus, and Text If You Want To See Him Soon." Cell phones being used while driving has been quite controversial. There are laws against cell phone use while driving in many places. Here for some time if you got pulled over by the police and you were using a cell phone you would get cited with a fine to pay. Now if I am not mistaken a police person can pull you over in Washington State and fine you for using a cell phone while driving. There have been many vehicle accidents resulting from using cell phones while driving. Texting while driving would be worse because it would require you to watch the phone instead of the road, and also most people use both hands to text, and that would leave no hands on the steering wheel.

[red]

During the praise and worship at church, we were singing visayan gospel song. My daughter was giggling on my side, I asked her what was wrong. She whispered to me "mommy what are they singing about?" I answered " we are worshiping God". She said " no mommy it says about juice". I corrected her that it's about "Diyos" means God. She thought the song is about juice drink. Diyos and juice words when bisaya people pronouce it just the same. No wonder my daughter giggles everytime we sing bisaya gospel song at church. She doesnt attend sundays school with other kids at church because they speak bisaya she can't understand.

[Edwin]

During the praise and worship at church, we were singing visayan gospel song. My daughter was giggling on my side, I asked her what was wrong. She wishpered to me "mommy what are they singing about?" I answered " we are worshiping God". She said " no mommy it says about juice". I corrected her that it's about "Diyos" means God. She thought the song is about juice drink. Diyos and juice words when bisaya people pronouce it just the same. No wonder my daughter giggles everytime we sing bisaya gospel song at church. She doesnt attend sundays school with other kids at church because they speak bisaya she can't understand.

That was some innocent funniness, huh?

[Edwin]

Why do you have to be careful what you say in the corn patch/field? Because the corn has ears!

Why do you have to be careful what you do in the potato patch/field? Because the potatoes have eyes!

[red]

God will excuse her, God understands.

[red]

Why do you have to be careful what you say in the corn patch/field? Because the corn has ears!

Why do you have to be careful what you do in the potato patch/field? Because the potatoes have eyes!

Silly...

[Edwin]

Why did the monkey throw the clock over the cliff? He wanted to see time fly!

[Edwin]

This guy was picking berries, and he had a bear come right up next to him, and wanted his berry bucket. He began running up one row and down another with the bear chasing him. How did he finally get away from the bear. Well, there was this lake that was frozen, so he ran out on the frozen ice in the lake and the bear could not keep from falling down. The guy listening to the story said, "Come on now, you are telling me you were picking berries, and there was a frozen lake?" the guy telling the story said, "Yes, that is how long that bear chased me, until the lake froze over!"