No divorce in Philippines

[Roman]

I was CRAZY in love with a woman in the Philippines. When I went there to meet her I was even more in love with her. I went back several times over two years. We decided to get married and proceeded with a fiancee visa. We had enough proof of our love to show the embassey . Tons of letters and phone conversations and tons of photos. When her interview came they denied her because of a previous marriage. Even though she hadn't seen or heard from this guy for many many years the embassey didn't care. They gave us a list of lawyers to contact. We contacted a few but they wanted $50,000.00 plus US dollars to get the marriage annulled. I couldn't afford this. So her mother said they knew a lawyer that could get this done. He said about $3000.00 . So we went ahead with this and $3000.00 and three years later nothing. This has lasted a total of five years. It has broke my heart and still don't know what to do. We still talk but not very much anymore. I fell in love with her two sons also. It has been a heart breaking relationship. I just would love to get lucky in love like some have and not broken. I wanted to share this just in case anybody falls in love with someone who is married in the philippines. I found There Is NO Divorce and no annualment unless you are filthy rich. That's just the facts.

[Edwin]

At one time I was not aware of this. My nephew married a filipina and brought her to the US. He had problems, and then he pretended to have more problems than he had so he could get a disability payment from the military. Then she spent their money faster than they could bring it in. He put on one of his handicapped acts, and she decided that the end of their marriage had come. When they were first married he told me that he didn't have to worry about their marriage ending as their marriages were supposed to last forever. By this time she had her citizenship, so she brought a school chum over from the Philippines and married him. Now everything is not wonderful for them either, and he has been on the verge of bailing out on her. Anyway she wanted an annulment, but couldn't afford one, so she got a divorce and remarried outside the Catholic church as the Catholic church did not condone what she had done. We thought that she should not have bailed out on him because of his problems because she married him for better or for worse, and I guess she thought it was worse than that!

[red]

Uh oh...feel sorry for you there Mr. Heartbroken. I had a best friend before, she met somebody online and who sponsored her marriage to be annulled. But then they didnt succeed in relationship though the guy spent much money for her. Her marriage with previous husband was annulled she told me about this certain lawyer who knows a Judge who can annul marriage in just two months or lesser than that...but has to spend like 50-100k pesos. In regular annulment case it will last to 5 years maximum...but if the partner is willing to cooperate it can be quick process. Again, having somebody you know in court or the judge can help the process faster. Anyway, as to my past bestfriend, it was quick not much hassle. She is now married to a white guy in US. Just be careful in choosing a lawyer coz there are those that will take advantage to foreigners, not all foreigners are rich.

[crisipicada]

Oh my sorry again. I really hate the words "divorce or annulment" because i have experienced living with my father for more than 14 years when they got separated with my mother. I don't want to feel that emotional trauma and not having a complete family.

My prayer is to love my future husband and also i pray that he will not leave me too. Better pray and seek God's guidance for future partner.

[Edwin]

Oh my sorry again. I really hate the words "divorce or annulment" because i have experienced living with my father for more than 14 years when they got separated with my mother. I don't want to feel that emotional trauma and not having a complete family.

My prayer is to love my future husband and also i pray that he will not leave me too. Better pray and seek God's guidance for future partner.

That is exactly right pray to love and not to be left. So many experience that and it is difficult.

[crisipicada]

My prayer that i wont experience that. That is not God's plan for the first place to have divorce. We must godly citizen and obey God's words, "For sickness and in Health, til death do us part".

[Edwin]

The ministerial asssociation that I belong to is one of the few that does not allow divorced and remarried people to be ministers. If that happens you are automatically out no matter what the reason, or if it is your fault or someone else's. The same applies to ministers who marry a person who has been formerly married. That minister automatically and without question loses his/her minister's credentials.

We had a situation, probably 20 years or more ago when a middle aged president of one of our more prestigious Bible Colleges married a former missionary. The marriage did not turn out well, and even after living together for an extended period of time, they got an annulement. There were lots of angry ministers who were held to a higher standard than that, and they resented the hyprocracy in a high position in our organization. The objection was that it was assumed that he wanted to be unblemished so that he could have a repeat marriage without being censored, and being classed as not having been married.

[crisipicada]

Well, divorce for some, consider it good. And some others, too, do not agree with it.

While talking to my comrade, he said, if divorce is approved in the Philippines, he is one to apply for it. Why? Because his wife is so strict and has been very mean to him. For me, I said, there is no problem cannot be solved for those hearts desire to who wants to keep the family together. He said, sometimes he feels that his wife does not love him.

I cannot blame him for this kind of apprehension. Life is so difficult that sometimes we do not know what to do and to solve family problem

[Andrewm]

It would have been better if someone here had addressed the issues and questions that Roman was writing about.

We can sit back and moralize all we want to about divorces and annulments but the truth is they occur.

Roman (an American from Tennessee) has only posted here twice. Perhaps because no one actually aided him with more detailed information on how to help his situation with his Filipina fiancee.

So...how about it? Is a divorce possible in the Philippines? (surely it is and it does not have to be so pricey)

Folks, the sad fact is that we are all very imperfect human beings and, even when a Christian, still fully mired in our sins (our own self-created sins). This is no different in a Christian marriage. And there are times when the Bible clearly states that divorce is permissible. Marital infidelity. And I'd say when there is clear physical abuse to the wife and children.

We don't know; maybe that is what Roman encountered. He got to know a Filipina woman who married early in life to a man who turned out to be quite evil in the home and a danger to this woman and the children. To me, a divorce then is fully legitimate. So, let's posit that this is the case and help with ideas for a man like Roman and others who may find themselves in a similar situation.

[abufarsi]

"So...how about it? Is a divorce possible in the Philippines? (surely it is and it does not have to be so pricey)"

Divorce is not an option at all. It simply does not exist in the Philippines. Not only that, as far as immigration goes, there is no way to "get around it".

In the Philippines marriage is defined as a stereotypical relationship between the couples, the community and the church. What Marriage is, the promise, the ongoing relationship, is defined by the state. Every party must be involved with a possible annulment. Up until just a few years ago there simply was no possibility of marital rape, as, the man had every right to sex from the woman. He could beat her with a staff no larger than his thumb, if he so desired.

Annulment does exist. And it is even more costly than he stated. Generally speaking lawyers are in their profession to make money. There is no set fee for services. It is the job of the lawyer to gauge the pocket book of his client and figure out a way to move, legally, that cash from his clients pocket into his. I have met perhaps 40 foreigners who went the annulment rout, some paid lawyers for 5 years tens of thousands of dollars, but I never met a guy who actually got that annulment. I have heard of them getting it though. Read it in the papers too.

Annulments are impossible without grounds. Abandonment (7 years), criminal abuse, insanity. previous marriages, are examples of accepted grounds. But nothing is automatic.

Yes, Filipinos are always "finding a way",some simply finish their lives without the protection of marriage, when the partnership of marriage fails to yield partnership ways. In my experience, fully 30% of couples over 50 live in such a manner.

To the question " where is your husband" they say "gone to Manila" and everybody knows this is Filipino divorce. Divorce in the Philippines is abandonment and shame. Not asking the judicial system for an equitable division of the assets and liabilities of the partnership. Child support is almost never paid. Houses can't be sold easily, by either party.

Also common in the Philippines are loveless marriages. Where parties play stereotypical rolls to extend the befits of marriage as they seem to regard doing without not a viable choice. These couples are easy to recognize, they never walk the streets hand in hand, they never shop together, they go to gatherings separately, and one person usually dominates the other financially or physically. It is viewed as shameful to not live with your mate. Separation is always viewed a failure in some way.

Changes are on the way though. I recently read that the family code is about to be amended to allow divorce. Even if this law is passed it will be years before it is available widely. I speculate it will never be cheap. I do know that if a Filipino marries a foreigner, and the foreigner divorces her (not the other way around) in another country, she is legally divorced in the Philippines, and so is the foreigner.

For the original poster, I suggest he moves to the Philippines. It will be mostly impossible for him to earn a living there anything like what he has earned in the USA. He will always be a "foreigner" even if he lives there 100 years. Perhaps he is retired. The other choice is to work in the USA and visit his "wife" when he can save up. This also is a difficult choice as it requires two homes, and the costs of maintaining such. The ticket price over and back is nothing compared to paying rent, utilities on houses you are not living in. Not to mention the loneliness of months and months away from your family. The heartache of troubles in the Philippines you can't solve when you must go to work in the morning, or the reverse finding you do not have a job after returning to your home country, but the bills are waiting.