JOKER'S CORNER

[edeline]

2.A group of guys decided to tour the brewery where their favourite beer was made. As they marvelled at the process, one of them slipped and fell into a huge vat of beer. Brewery workers tried to save him while his friends waited outside.
A half-hour later, the supervisor came out to tell the guys the bad news - their friend had drowned.
"Do you think he suffered much?"one of them asked.
"I don't think so,"said the supervisor. "In fact, before he drowned, he climbed out three times to go to the bathroom.

3.Three sisters, aged 92, 9 and 96, live together. One night the 96-year old fills the bathtub. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells.
The 94-year-old calls back, "I don't know - I'll come and see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope that I never get forgetful," and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.

4.Scientists are now saying that obesity can be caused by viruses. I guess you have to eat a lot of them.

5.Congratulating a friend whose son and daughter had gotten married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "So tell me, what kind of man did your daughter marry?"
"Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep in, wants her to go to a spa regularly and insists on taking her our to dinner every night."
"That's nice," said her friend.
"And how do you like your son's new wife?"
The mother sighed."I'm not so happy about that situation,"she said.
"His wife gets up late, spends all her time at the salon and always wants to have dinner in a restaurant."

6.There's a new type of alarm clock on the market. It makes no noise. It uses lights and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up.
I already have one of these. It's called a window.

7.When a couple caught an intruder in their bedroom, he pulled the gun and announced,
"Now that you have seen me, I'm going to have to shoot you." Pointing to his weapon at the woman, he said, "I like to know the names of my victims. What is your name"
"Elizabeth," the woman replied.
The intruder said, "I can't go through with this. My mother named Elizabeth."
The intruder then aimed his pistol at the husband. "What's your name?" he asked.
"Joe," the terrified man said. "But all my friends call me Elizabeth."

8.Snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry buddy. I can't serve you."
"Why not?" the snake asks.
"Because you can't hold your liquor."

9.The young woman was jogging when she saw a wizened old man smiling at her front from his porch.
"You look so happy! she said to him. "What's your secret for a long, satisfying life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he replied. "And I drink a case of whiskey every week, eat nothing but fatty foods and never exercise."
"That's amazing,' the woman said. "How old are you?"
He answered, Thirty-two."

[Edwin]

.An English professor was reading The Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that a student had fallen asleep. Annoyed, he sent the book spinning through the air and bouncing off the boy's head.
Startled awake, the student asked what had hit him.
"That," said the professor "was a flying Chaucer."

That is funny, Edeline!

[Edwin]

2.A group of guys decided to tour the brewery where their favourite beer was made. As they marvelled at the process, one of them slipped and fell into a huge vat of beer. Brewery workers tried to save him while his friends waited outside.
A half-hour later, the supervisor came out to tell the guys the bad news - their friend had drowned.
"Do you think he suffered much?"one of them asked.
"I don't think so,"said the supervisor. "In fact, before he drowned, he climbed out three times to go to the bathroom.

3.Three sisters, aged 92, 9 and 96, live together. One night the 96-year old fills the bathtub. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells.
The 94-year-old calls back, "I don't know - I'll come and see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope that I never get forgetful," and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.

4.Scientists are now saying that obesity can be caused by viruses. I guess you have to eat a lot of them.

5.Congratulating a friend whose son and daughter had gotten married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "So tell me, what kind of man did your daughter marry?"
"Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep in, wants her to go to a spa regularly and insists on taking her our to dinner every night."
"That's nice," said her friend.
"And how do you like your son's new wife?"
The mother sighed."I'm not so happy about that situation,"she said.
"His wife gets up late, spends all her time at the salon and always wants to have dinner in a restaurant."

6.There's a new type of alarm clock on the market. It makes no noise. It uses lights and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up.
I already have one of these. It's called a window.

7.When a couple caught an intruder in their bedroom, he pulled the gun and announced,
"Now that you have seen me, I'm going to have to shoot you." Pointing to his weapon at the woman, he said, "I like to know the names of my victims. What is your name"
"Elizabeth," the woman replied.
The intruder said, "I can't go through with this. My mother named Elizabeth."
The intruder then aimed his pistol at the husband. "What's your name?" he asked.
"Joe," the terrified man said. "But all my friends call me Elizabeth."

8.Snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry buddy. I can't serve you."
"Why not?" the snake asks.
"Because you can't hold your liquor."

9.The young woman was jogging when she saw a wizened old man smiling at her front from his porch.
"You look so happy! she said to him. "What's your secret for a long, satisfying life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he replied. "And I drink a case of whiskey every week, eat nothing but fatty foods and never exercise."
"That's amazing,' the woman said. "How old are you?"
He answered, Thirty-two."

Good humor, Edeline!

[Edwin]

I was reading another rather sad story on visa journey. I will not have time to do that shortly as I will be busy with my college classes. The fairly well of Westerner met this young filipina in the chat room. He was taken with her, so he boarded an airplane right away and flew to the Philippines to meet her. They thought they were in love with each other so they started making wedding plans. He felt like it was a once in a life time experience so he opened up all the reserves and spent money like it was water. He set a poor example for the young filipina, because she quit her job right away to spend all of her time planning this huge expensive wedding they were going to have. They only thing was that this wedding had to be unofficial as they were filing for their K1 visa. They contacted a number of clergy members all of whom declined, until they found one of her uncles who was a pastor who agreed to perform the ceremony. The Westerner guy wanted a small inexpensive wedding, but he had set a poor example, so the young filipina went ahead with it. They got married without any paper work being signed so they could tell the immigration officials that they were not married. Then he caught the young filipina lying to him about a former relationship, or several actually. Then because of that he was not so sure he was happy the way she had started spending his money. After their fake marriage he returned to the USA, and she stayed in the Philippines while the K1 visa was in the process of being approved. Then the young filipina started asking for money. Pappa got sick and they took him to the hospital, but they couldn't get him out until his bill was paid, so they needed money for that. Then the younger sisters needed their tuition paid for, and he was the one that needed to do that. The Westerner had to support the young filipina during the K1 process as she had quit her job. Then Pappa owed some money, and he was going to end up in jail if the bill was not paid. Then Mamma had a bad tooth that needed a root canal. Long story short was that he felt pressured to send money when he didn't want to, so he decided that he was going to call a halt to their plans for a future together.

In one of the posts he mentioned that he paid all the white man's tax, and I'm not sure what that is, but a black guy got on there and said, "You mean I got a discount without even knowing it!" I thought that was rather clever of him, and also showed something positive about him being able to joke about being a black man.

[brat4300]

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

[Edwin]

There are 5 signs that you are getting old.

One is the loss of hearing.

Another is the loss of sight.

Another is becoming disoriented.

Another is the loss of memory.

And for the life of me I can't remember what the other one was!

[edeline]

.An English professor was reading The Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that a student had fallen asleep. Annoyed, he sent the book spinning through the air and bouncing off the boy's head.
Startled awake, the student asked what had hit him.
"That," said the professor "was a flying Chaucer."

That is funny, Edeline!

Yes,

[edeline]

There are 5 signs that you are getting old.

One is the loss of hearing.

Another is the loss of sight.

Another is becoming disoriented.

Another is the loss of memory.

And for the life of me I can't remember what the other one was!

It is already working now even in enumerating..hehe:)

[Edwin]

We have some older friends who drive places. Neither one of them can see very well. She drives, and he tells her where the obstacles are!

[crisipicada]

What is the number 7? Why is it God's perfect #?
when in fact it is an odd #?
Just think... there are 7 days a week, 7 wonders of the world,
Even the word FORGIVE has 7 letters. There were 7 last words.
The rainbow has 7 letters. Even the word PROMISE.
Maybe God designed it . For even the word MYSTERY has 7 letters.
Begin to see the 7 letters in life.

And now use OLAY TOTAL EFFECTS to fight the 7 signs of aging...
See the results in just 7 days... Try it...