do ya want children?

[crisipicada]

My first BF said he cannot give me a baby but willing to adopt one. Maybe it depends about what you have planned.

[abufarsi]

You bring up an interesting point...

Lots of children on the street in the Philippines. I have had 3 foreigners friends/acquaintances who took street children into their homes. One was a woman who paid all the fees to run a legal orphanage, last I heard she had 35 kids, some infants, most boys in the 6-12 range. This woman and I did not get along well, she was so strict with the kids, she ate better than the kids, she smoked like a chimney, she lived off the donations to the home, and constantly asked me for cash when I tried to help them on other ways like repair the fences.

Another guy simply offered to give food to those he saw hungry. Never ran them off after they ate either. He had a very big heart for kids. When you visited his home he would have 15 boys lying about here and there, various degrees of clean. He ran into LOTS of problems. Adults simply showing up for free food, drunkards mostly. Kids who sheltered in his home at night often stole things, things he considered junk mostly as things he thought valuable he kept locked up. Silverware for crying out loud, he could hardly keep it in the house. Several kids brought drugs in, hidden up inside themselves. He hired people to cook meals, but they often stole the food. He had parents drop off kids at his house for free child care, without so much as a "hi there".

Yet another guy claimed he got into the child care business backwards. When he and his wife settled in the Philippines, he made friends with many police in town. When there visiting (drinking)with the police, he noticed that some babies were abandoned and the police took care of them, he offered for both he and his wife to care for these babies (3 the first year). Later his wife died in a car accident. But the police never forgot him as he resolved a problem they had no other solution for, at one time I remember he had 18, mostly girls, sheltered, beds stacked 4 high in the bedrooms. All went to school. There is a law in the Philippines that essentially says that a foreigner can't spend the night with a child unless they are a relative. After 12 years of helping children, he had a claimed "relative" of one of the babies come by and say they wanted "their' child back, no proof of parentage was offered, but a demand for cash was. He was already fully bonded with this little girl. He refused. The "family" filed a complaint with the welfare dept. They investigated, and even though the police quickly told them that they were the ones to give him the kids he must adopt all or give all up.

Some of the girls who stayed with him that the police sent his way were overtly sexual, when I visited him they would be very "careless" in exposing themselves, at 10-15 years of age. They obviously had been working for a living in the sex trade before going to his shelter. It destroyed his reputation as most other foreigners felt he was a pervert as the girls were so "friendly" with him. He died before everything was resolved. To this day I don't know if he was indeed a child molester, or not. He had a GF move in with him that was young, but legal.

Well... these are problems I NEVER had with any of my kids. They are older and on their own now. Frankly adopting scares me.

[edeline]

We do have same opinion Cris, go into adoption of baby if a guy can't give a baby. The thing that a girl must bear in mind is that by the time that she found out a guy, he is alone and there is no assurance that he can give a baby. What was the thing that drive the two of you to love each other is the sense of understanding and belongingness.

I understand that it is somewhat a kind of threat when the couple is bringing up a child and soon she or he will just be taken back by the real parents. That is not fair. I was thninking before that if in case we will go into adoption, I will make sure that the baby we are adopting has no relation with me and I will make sure that I will have enough papers so that he or she will not be taken away from us in the future. I think it is good to adopt from the DSWD,I have heard that they are making sure that the parent of the baby who left the baby has no communication with the baby. Her parenting stage has ended up once she give the baby to the DSWD. It is better for other people to place their child somewhere which has love and care and have the possibility to get a happy family of her own than bringing them up but the child ended up that he prefer he is not here in the world because of the lack of the needs he must have.

[Edwin]

Matthew 19:14; "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come untio me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

[crisipicada]

I love children in fact i am close to my niece and nephew. if GOd bless me with children I WIll be thankful then if NOT then it is okay.

[Edwin]

I love children in fact i am close to my niece and nephew. if GOd bless me with children I WIll be thankful then if NOT then it is okay.

Yes, I love children too, and they are precious!

[edeline]

Yes children are very precious and they are angels. They are so so cute. The kids we see anywhere though not ours we are amused by them, how innocent and how lovely they are.

Now go back to the question. Most of the people are aiming to have children except for those who want to remain spinsters and bachelors forever, right? I have relatives of mine but so close, they are I think 4 bachelors and I think they never had any plan to get married. I was interested to know why but I didn't mind asking them in case they will be thinking I am asking too much of their private lives.

I have two friends,,they are married for 11 or 12 years I think. They are very very eager to have a baby yet they are not given one. They did all the possible things to acquire but never had any chance. The girl was taking medicine for year but eventually nothing happened so she stopped because she said that she was just wasting so much money because med are not cheap. But guess what, they are happy being with each other and holding tight in their relationship. I admire them for being so strong.

There is sentence that says, that a family will not be called a family if there are no siblings. What about for those who can't really give a baby? what will happen? I am sure they want but just can't give. It is a matter of conversation to the two so that it will be clear. I have heard that a guy will not leave a woman who can't give a baby but will really make a baby to anothetr baby because he wants to see his own baby.


I and my closest friend before were talking about this, having a baby, We do have similarity, we both prefer that we are the ones who can't give a baby than him who can't give a baby and he wants so much. There is no problem if the guy has children already at least i will not be too worried if in case I can't give a baby to him. There is always another way of having a baby which is adoption.

When we are in a relationship, we are not in the position of making sure that our partner can give us a baby. Having a thorough investigation to the body let us say, hehehe. Talking about the possiblities can make the two understand each other. As long as we know what we really want and we are sure of that so we will stand for it.

There are some couples who can acquire children as much as they want but ended up breaking, painful, right? I will prefer to have someone who can't give a baby but remain mine forever than to be with a man who can give a baby yet can't stay with me forever and quite unsure with me.

[edeline]

What is important is there is always love between the two and if there will be problems to come it will just be solved when the two are cooperating with each other no matter how hard it is.

Valuing the presence of the person in your life now is very necessary. I am always in the point of asking myself, can I find a better one than him? at the same time answering my own question. I can't find any better man than him. I always value him and let him feel how important he is in my life.

I think the other person will feel what you are doing if he/she is always feeling the same feeling.

[Edwin]

I wanted more children than the three that we have, but I am thankful for them each one. It was a misunderstanding between my wife and I. I wanted 5 or 6; she only wanted 2 but we had identical twins, so we ended up with 3. We had one that was not really ours, but we had him off and on from the time he was an infant. We loved him every bit as much as we loved the other 3. We would have him, then his mother wanted him, then we would have him again, and after that his mother would want him again. It was difficult having him go between our home and his own. He love his mother dearly, and she loved him, but she couldn't alway keep him at all times because of other things in her life. He is almost 21 years old now, and that is hard to believe. We still love him very much, but we don't see him very often.

[edeline]

I wanted more children than the three that we have, but I am thankful for them each one. It was a misunderstanding between my wife and I. I wanted 5 or 6; she only wanted 2 but we had identical twins, so we ended up with 3. We had one that was not really ours, but we had him off and on from the time he was an infant. We loved him every bit as much as we loved the other 3. We would have him, then his mother wanted him, then we would have him again, and after that his mother would want him again. It was difficult having him go between our home and his own. He love his mother dearly, and she loved him, but she couldn't alway keep him at all times because of other things in her life. He is almost 21 years old now, and that is hard to believe. We still love him very much, but we don't see him very often.

That is a tough situation when you have a sibling who is not really your own and is coming in and out in you because he or she is going out also to be with his real family.