Husband or Family?

[manilamadman]

A big cultural difference between American and Filipino seems to be parent - child responsibilities. In American culture children are raised to leave home, become independent and there is little expectation they will provide financial support to their parents. In Filipino culture it seems children are taught to value family, may live with or close to family and are expected to help parents and other close family members out financially. These differences may be because the USA has many social "safety nets" like social security but the Philippines really does not.

So if a Filipina marries an American man who is the financial provider, does she expect that her husband will help her Filipino family financially ? This seems an area for potential marital conflict. In speaking to several American men who are married to or involved with Filipinas, they express concern that their Filipina's loyalty is with them not her original family. And if they (American man) says no to financial help to her family she will agree but will begin to resent and so this will cause a problem in harmony.

Would like to hear Filipina comment on this issue? If you have to choose between supporting decision of American husband which conflicts with needs of your Filipino family, who will you support? Will you resent your husband if he does not help your Filipino family ?

[crisipicada]

Nice topic

Go back to my experience 3 years ago, a guy came over here in the Philippines twice. He wants me to be with him in USA and process my passport.

When i got my passport then, I change my mind because I learn that he is chatting with other woman and he is planning to get me already. It was a painful experience.

Now talking about your concern, he promise me the same thing. Since he was a banker and a businessman, he promise me to provide the needs of my family, to let study my niece in a nice university and to put up business here in the Philippines for my relatives. Yes, I did love him but one thing i cannot take is that telling the same thing with other women, and it is painful, right?

Now, I would be happy that a guy has the heart for his wife or partner in life. As he sees the situation of his gf or woman, his heart is touched and willing to provide. We know for a fact that more than 50% of Filipinos are living in penury. Not enough food to eat, the father work hard for the family and sometimes it is not enough. Even me can hardly provide my needs.

First and foremost I pray that God will give me a man to be my husband whose heart is good and loving. A man who is responsible and committed christian. I pray that he will also have the heart to extend help to those in need and if God bless my husband financially, I pray that God will touch his heart to be useful and have generous heart.

If I were to choose, I will be loyal to my husband than to my family but i will not take for granted my family, too. As much as I can, I would be glad to extend financial support to them also in my own way.

[Edwin]

That is sad when promises are being made, and you think that you are the one, and then you find out that there are several others, that he is pretending to be the only one too!

Our friend said before he got married that he was not going to be helping her family, but he does. For one thing his kids got old enough that he no longer had to provide child support, so he had more money to contribute. Now his first wife has died of cancer, so I imagine he has his retirement back that she was taking away from him. He and his filipina wife hired her brother to build them a house, and that helped them all. He is generous anyway, even though he said that he would not be. I guess he had a change of heart. He is happy if he thinks they are trying to pull their weight, but it makes him mad if he thinks they are just laying around waiting for his hand outs!

[purex]

yes, just pray for a christian guy to be the husband. he will understand the situation of a filipina woman and be supportive.

of course most of all ask for wisdom how to earn money because God said, the blessing of the LORD he addeth no sorrow in it, proverbs says.

in addition, a faithful man will be abound with blessings.

so be faithful and have a pure heart because God knows and prepares what is best for us.

[justmovenalong]

This is a very good question,but its seems the answers you are getting do not apply I wish someone would answer this streight up because im sure a lot of men would want to know.So please if u guys(girls) could read the question and answer it for us thank you im thinking the main question is what comes first ur husband or ur family and if ur husband does not feel a need to help suport them will u resent him?

[manilamadman]

Justmovenalong is exactly right--no filipina has answered the question!

Who comes first, your husband or your filipino family?

If you have an american husband who says no to financial support for your filipino family, will you willingly give 100% support to his decision or will you reluctantly support or resent him? Reluctant support is not 100% support.

This is an easy question to answer. There is no right or wrong answer but can not have it both ways. Line in the sand. Which side do you chose? This is an important question because when the honeymoon is over it is very likely to be the key determinate of success or failure of a relationship between a filipina and american man.

[crisipicada]

Guys, put yourself in this situation and answer the question, what will you choose, your husband or filipino family?

[purex]

of course my husband, i marry him because i love him.

i will talk to him my concern and if he wont help then i will talk to him i am willing to extend help to my family by working and earning my own money

nothing will change.

[manilamadman]

So you expect your husband to work so his money can provide your food, clothes and home but If you work your money can be spent as you like to support your filipino family?

How is that fair? If his money goes to support and make life good for you, should not your money go to support and make life good for him?

[Edwin]

I'm not the one that is supposed to be answering this question, but I know our friend was really concerned about this before he and his filipina were married. It looks to me like it is working great for them. As soon as she moved to this area she got jobs to help her family, and the guy has pitched in and sends a lot of his money as well. They had her family in the Philippines build them a wonderful house. It provided some money for her family, and then our friends are getting something valuable out of it. When I was there with them, her family stays at the house, and we all have one big happy fun time, and yes it is good. Her family goes there at least for holidays, and I don't know how much of the time otherwise they are there, but they help keep the place safe too.

When the filipina comes to this country her earning power is usually greatly multiplied, and I think that is wonderful when she can earn money to help her family back home. And then when the couple can employ their family, like to build a house that is great, and everyone benefits, it appears to me, and I don't think that hurts the guy at all that the filipina married. In my mind he doesn't need to profit from her, only continue to live and pay the bills, while they can help their family that often times has a hard time making ends meet without some help. I think that is good.

The interesting thing is that my friends have this nice new house in the Philippines, and she doesn't want to be there, because she is now into working and making money. They are several years away from retirement, so vacation time is all they can afford to be there, and only every other year. The heat bothers him, and they both think they might be bored living in the Philippines. So they only intend to spend a few months at a time there even after retirement.