What motivates a man sexually?

[crisipicada]

I am not married and never into an intimate relationship with a man, surely i am virgin. and i post this topic so that others would know from adult and some married couples and to help and give ideas to those who are planning to married soon. i am quite ashamed to talk about it because i am conservative and also i wanted to have a very private conversation with my partner about these things. but i guess it is also important to talk about it. so what motivates a man sexually

[Edwin]

When I was growing up sex was not talked about seldom. We were just left to learn about it on our own. My friends and I all dreamed together, and talked about how we could get it from the girls that we were acquainted with. Sex is a strong desire and a drive, so the potential is there for it to happen when it shouldn't. I will have to admit that I wanted it really badly, but I knew that before marriage it was wrong. Even though I was a 1960s teenager when everyone was doing it with their classmates, and many were beginning to live together, to me it was wrong without being married. God protected me, and I never did it before marriage, even though I wanted to a few times.

Sex was good in the earlier years of our marriage. We did it pretty often like every night usually except when my wife was having her period, then we obstained. We also didn't have sex in the last part of her pregancy with our children as we didn't want to do anything to do damage to the unborn children.

I have heard about women that want to do it all the time, and the men seldom want to have sex. In our case it is the opposite as I want to have sex more than my wife does. After menopaus she decided that I shouldn't need to have sex as often as I wanted it, so she just plain and simply told me that I was not going to get it as often as I wanted it, and she didn't care what I thought about it. After that it was every other night. If I wanted to have sex badly on the wrong night it was too bad for me. I had to give in to that in order to have peace between us. I had no choice. So, I have tried to be happy inspite of that.

Another thing that has happened is that my wife's diabetes has gotten worse over the years. I think it is because of the diabetes, or the medications she takes that causes her not to have any feeling or sensation with sex. It does nothing for her, and she could have what she wants we would never ever have sex. But, she tries to be good to me to allow us to have sex. In our younger years there were times she would wake me up in the middle of the night in my sleep and tell that she wanted to have sex then, badly, and we would have sex right then to the pleasure of both of us. Those days are gone, because she will never want sex during the night or any other time. Back then she would want to have sex also, so she would find a way to justify having it, or even find a way to have sex when it was inconvinient. But now she finds excuses why we shouldn't have sex when it is time that we should. She will not sleep with me in my bed any more either, and that is a low blow, because after getting married I thought that we would sleep together the remainder of our lives. What she says is that the weight of the blankets bother her feet, and that may be true, because even though she still can feel her feet, she has lost some sensation in them as a result of diabetes. She also uses sex some times to threaten me over various situations.

Is she a nice person? Yes, she is a very nice person in every way except the sex problems and refusing to sleep with me. Does this bother me? Yes it greatly bothers me, and if I did not have my faith in God and a strong desire to do what is right I would end our marriage in a heart beat. Am I going to dump her because of these problems? To be honest I am tempted, but no I took vows before God and about 250 people, and it is for better or for worse, and it is until death do we part.

The other thing is that I try to be careful what I say to her because her health is not the best, and if she dies as a result of her health problems I do not want anything to be sorry about.

[Manilaman]

I am not married and never into an intimate relationship with a man, surely i am virgin. and i post this topic so that others would know from adult and some married couples and to help and give ideas to those who are planning to married soon. i am quite ashamed to talk about it because i am conservative and also i wanted to have a very private conversation with my partner about these things. but i guess it is also important to talk about it. so what motivates a man sexually

Ha! Ha! Many things in life to worry about but not this. If he is attracted to you he will be motivated. Just don't be uptight. Be responsive. Biggest problem would be your inhibitions. Let go of your fears, if he is normal healthy guy nature will take care of everything.

[abufarsi]

When I was young, I would say that simply waking up in the morning made me motivated the rest of the day.

Perhaps you are asking a different question, "what can I do to make sure that my marriage is a success, sexually?" If I could give advise along these lines it would be, be selfish.

This does not mean that you should not be loving, or cater to his desires, but that you should try to find things that you enjoy. For example, generally speaking, women take longer to be fulfilled than men do, so I suggest you experiment with delay tactics that keep your partner interested, and get you going.

This involves roll playing. Very few people want, wham bam, thank you mam. Most people I know want to be portrayed in someway in order for them to enjoy some fantasy. Generally speaking but not always, women want to be wooed, courted, praised, pursued, or fondled. With men, some men like submission, boldness, a challenge, flirting, titillation, (this is a long list). Something should be said about fetishes, it is likely that your husband will have one. [Examples of fetishes are feet, latex, domination, school girl or child fantasies, homosexuality (in bi or heterosexuals), pain, animals] I would strongly suggest you be sensitive to his fantasies as you have no way to gauge how important they are to him, I doubt he will tell you right out about it, find a way to compromise so that he gets what he needs so you can get what you need.

In my experience many women try hard to please their husbands, at their own expense. Guys love being catered to. But guys want a whole lot more to be good lovers to their wives. Try to guide him in what makes you satisfied, more than trying to be "like they are in porno films", because if you are not happy and your guy does not know why, nothing else is going to work well in your relationship.

Do not worry about how your body looks. Because first, you can't change it, and second, your guy already knows what it looks like, and third, it will distract you from the task at hand. Yes, guys walking down the street measure women on a sexual appeal scale, but it is simply foolishness, it means NOTHING. Sex is at least 75% mental, and if the mental part works then the body part for sure will. Don't worry if you are a little over weight, pregnant, sagging parts, uncombed hair, no makeup, or dark skin, your lover is not thinking about that.

Sex is about him selecting you and vice verse for intimacy. It is about sharing love through giving pleasure. It is about bonding. Sex is often called making love, because, if you are honest during and after having sex, love follows and builds.

[Manilaman]

When I was growing up sex was not talked about seldom. We were just left to learn about it on our own. My friends and I all dreamed together, and talked about how we could get it from the girls that we were acquainted with. Sex is a strong desire and a drive, so the potential is there for it to happen when it shouldn't. I will have to admit that I wanted it really badly, but I knew that before marriage it was wrong. Even though I was a 1960s teenager when everyone was doing it with their classmates, and many were beginning to live together, to me it was wrong without being married. God protected me, and I never did it before marriage, even though I wanted to a few times.

Sex was good in the earlier years of our marriage. We did it pretty often like every night usually except when my wife was having her period, then we obstained. We also didn't have sex in the last part of her pregancy with our children as we didn't want to do anything to do damage to the unborn children.

I have heard about women that want to do it all the time, and the men seldom want to have sex. In our case it is the opposite as I want to have sex more than my wife does. After menopaus she decided that I shouldn't need to have sex as often as I wanted it, so she just plain and simply told me that I was not going to get it as often as I wanted it, and she didn't care what I thought about it. After that it was every other night. If I wanted to have sex badly on the wrong night it was too bad for me. I had to give in to that in order to have peace between us. I had no choice. So, I have tried to be happy inspite of that.

Another thing that has happened is that my wife's diabetes has gotten worse over the years. I think it is because of the diabetes, or the medications she takes that causes her not to have any feeling or sensation with sex. It does nothing for her, and she could have what she wants we would never ever have sex. But, she tries to be good to me to allow us to have sex. In our younger years there were times she would wake me up in the middle of the night in my sleep and tell that she wanted to have sex then, badly, and we would have sex right then to the pleasure of both of us. Those days are gone, because she will never want sex during the night or any other time. Back then she would want to have sex also, so she would find a way to justify having it, or even find a way to have sex when it was inconvinient. But now she finds excuses why we shouldn't have sex when it is time that we should. She will not sleep with me in my bed any more either, and that is a low blow, because after getting married I thought that we would sleep together the remainder of our lives. What she says is that the weight of the blankets bother her feet, and that may be true, because even though she still can feel her feet, she has lost some sensation in them as a result of diabetes. She also uses sex some times to threaten me over various situations.

Is she a nice person? Yes, she is a very nice person in every way except the sex problems and refusing to sleep with me. Does this bother me? Yes it greatly bothers me, and if I did not have my faith in God and a strong desire to do what is right I would end our marriage in a heart beat. Am I going to dump her because of these problems? To be honest I am tempted, but no I took vows before God and about 250 people, and it is for better or for worse, and it is until death do we part.

The other thing is that I try to be careful what I say to her because her health is not the best, and if she dies as a result of her health problems I do not want anything to be sorry about.

Dude, I am going to give you some tough love. You are not married, you do not have a wife. You live with a manipulative shrew who has long since stopped being a wife. Marriage is not a piece of paper, it is intention and action. Quit kidding yourself you are married and move on with your life. Just go ahead and complete the official paper work legally announcing what she tells you daily by her actions, then head over to the Philippines and find a nice filipina that will actually be a wife. Marriage before god is based on intention of the soul not on some state legal document. She has abandoned you and abused you physically mentally and emotionally. Man-up and move on.

[jadegil6]

Appears to me that "Dude" is not a shallow. self-centered intellectual who sticks his nose into other's affairs (where he has no business being), but a sensitive, caring, loyal, and honest man who loves his wife, and who has made a commitment to her and to his family through Christ. Some people have no idea what that is like, and lack the sincerity or sacrifice or character that requires.

[justmovenalong]

WOW where did that come from !!! It seems maybe this man has no friends and we all know why

[Manilaman]

Appears to me that "Dude" is not a shallow. self-centered intellectual who sticks his nose into other's affairs (where he has no business being), but a sensitive, caring, loyal, and honest man who loves his wife, and who has made a commitment to her and to his family through Christ. Some people have no idea what that is like, and lack the sincerity or sacrifice or character that requires.

Appears to me anyone who posts unsolicited details of their sex life on an internet forum is some form of voyeur or indirect cry for help. If voyeur then who can help, if a cry for help, honest realistic answer should be given.

Robot christians do more harm than good with standard robot answers probably taught them by some preacher or priest who spout the party line much like a democrat or republican spouting the party line on their candidate without really knowing anything about their candidate. Take a look at xxxxx maybe that will help understand true concepts of christian marriage and divorce. Living together is not marriage. A state contract is not a christian marriage. Christian marriage is not bondage and abuse. One person is not bound to another in christian marriage if their partner abandons them, physically, mentally or emotionally abuses them. Jesus came to set the captives free, not create more laws to bind righteous people in servitude to harmful people who take advantage and abuse them. A christian man should have backbone to stand up for truth and justice not lay down like a dog and take punishment.

In the case discussed, the woman has denied her husband the basic tenets of marriage, she has broken the marriage vows, bounds and basic responsibilities. Per true christianity, no man (or woman) in such circumstances is bound as a slave to a marriage that she by her actions has nullified. She has abandoned her husband physically, spiritually and emotionally. That she lives with him implies she needs physical shelter which is parasitic NOT christian marriage.

[edeline]

I am not married and never into an intimate relationship with a man, surely i am virgin. and i post this topic so that others would know from adult and some married couples and to help and give ideas to those who are planning to married soon. i am quite ashamed to talk about it because i am conservative and also i wanted to have a very private conversation with my partner about these things. but i guess it is also important to talk about it. so what motivates a man sexually

Ha! Ha! Many things in life to worry about but not this. If he is attracted to you he will be motivated. Just don't be uptight. Be responsive. Biggest problem would be your inhibitions. Let go of your fears, if he is normal healthy guy nature will take care of everything.

that is true, there are so many problems but not this..I guess when the two have enough love then the two will help each other to make all means to make it successful. If the other doesn't have the drive about it, I am sure it can still be managed as long as there is genuine love.

[Manilaman]

Filipinas are trying to make this issue way to complicated. Relax, you have this issue under control. No language or cultural barriers. God gave you what you need. What motivates a man sexually? Answer in 3 words. A naked woman!