Marriage confusion

[CoolLuke]

Hello All,

I am learning that there appears to be no Divorce in the PI. I have seen quite a few Filipina profiles with "Separated" so how does that work with me looking for a partner? Do I just skip those women's profiles?

This then begs another question, if a lot of Filipinas are devout Christians, as a separated woman, instead of Marriage, can we live together if it is against her religion to do so outside of Marriage?

Without being married I would imagine it is next to impossible to get a Visa for her to come to the US. I guess she could get a Divorce here if she could get here, but how can that work, being Engaged (to get the Visa) to me while still Married back in the PI?

This does not make much sense to me. Am I missing something basic here?

CL

[Edwin]

Luke, I may need to be corrected, because I am not an expert, but here is the way I think it is. The young lady has to get an annulement to be available for marriage. Even if she could get to the USA or another country that sanctions divorce she would not be able to get a divorce that would be recognized in the Philippines, and maybe not that would be recognized anywhere. I think if the filipina is married to an American, or a person from another country that recognizes divorce she can get a divorce from that person.

If my information is not correct, someone will offer the correct information, but I think that is the way it is, and if it isn't then I will learn something.

[CoolLuke]

Thanks Edwin, that makes the situation look bleak as I am looking for an older woman, 40-55 and they seem to have all been married and now separated.

CL

[abufarsi]

Luke,

Yes it is virtually impossible to get a woman who had been married in the Philippines, to the USA legally and quickly. Annulments are available, but near impossible to get completed on any time scale that I would think relevant to your situation.
There is some talk of allowing divorce soon.
If you are rich you could get her into the USA by giving her $50,000, she then could get a visa as a tourist. Then she could divorce her husband in the USA. Make sure your state allows no fault divorces, and you serve her husband before she leaves. While in the USA she could also apply for a change of status. Some states require a 6 month stay to be a resident, some only 3 months, you have to be a resident to file for divorce in any state. There are a host of visa types available, read the US immigration page and see if you can make her qualify for one.
Have you considered living in the Philippines? I have lived there for years (before) and found many parts of the experience very rewarding. So I assume that when they say "separated" they are looking for a retired guy who could move to the Philippines and enjoy a new wife and a new country.
You suggest that a woman who is 35+ is somehow a benefit, I would not agree after meeting Filipinas and living there. For sure I would not go with a 17 year old but if I were in your position, 26 would be OK. It is about what people see Marriage as culturally, or to say, what she means when she says it, and what you mean when you say it, do not reflect exactly the same thinking as to the rolls, motivations and responsibilities of persons involved.
Your post implies to me that you have an idea that you will import a wife. I strongly caution you that this thinking might get you the wrong kind of wife. For sure during courtship I would suggest you never talk of immigration, as every Filipino knows that divorce is easy and can't be contested. Dave, a casual friend of mine, married Lusviminda Paro, and she divorced him in 3 days! After that she applied for and got federal aid, which, Dave had to compensate the federal government for. Dave bragged to me that not only was he "in love" but that he had won the national lotto in wife selection.
There is an awful lot of racism in the Philippines and few there would pity you for being such a fool, and the same thinking goes for the women who took unfair advantage of you. In other words "you are white (rich) and you can afford it", and I am brown (poor) and need a chance in life. Further, the older they are the more ingrained the stereotype of "foreigner", and the more likely she will assume many things about you that fit her mental racial profile, with an inability to see you as you are.

[Manilaman]

Wow. Glad to see you are telling the real deal about Filipinas and money. Seems that earlier you were cracking on myself and others who said money was a prime motivating factor for Filipinas wanting a western man. So glad to see you telling the real deal.

You are correct. A western man better be real careful of bringing a Filipina to the US because they can end up with a big mess on their hands. Divorced and broke. Money is a motivating factor in these marriages.

Sure there are Filipinas who are true jewels but a western man must be very, very careful. Especially if he intends to bring her to his country. If he moves to the Philippines and does not do something foolish like spending money on a house (which he can never own) then he has a better chance of success.

Used to be that if a western man got a Filipina from the provinces she was probably loyal and committed but now the concept of a young attractive Filipina scamming a western man has spread from the cities out to the provinces. It's a growing lucrative business. So a western man must be very, very careful. And even if you find a loyal committed Filipina, if you take her to the US she sees material issues and money she will probably want to direct that back to her Filipino family--this is a big, big deal that can ruin a man over time.

Your money is a motivating factor in acquiring a western woman and your money is a motivating factor in acquiring a Filipina. Difference is a western man with only limited funds can acquire a young attractive Filipina but not a young attractive western woman. But no matter if it is a western woman or Filipina the man better understand money is a motivating factor and retain control of his assets. Plan for the worst and appreciate the best!

The very best situation is to find a Filipina here on JadeRune, then move to the Philippines and live with her for a couple of years. And Do Not make any babies--that is another big big trap to steer clear of. Actually a Filipina in her late 20 or early 30's who has 1 child could work out well for a western man in his 50's cause her options for finding a husband in the Philippines is almost zero, since her options are extremely limited she may be inclined to take care of any man who gives her opportunity plus if she has a kid already it will diminish her drive to have a kid with the western man. Filipinas want kids and if they do not have any they will say or do most anything to have one whether the western man agrees or not. And then when she has your kid, you are locked in and the whole balance of power shifts for the western man. She can access US legal, welfare and social systems via the child and you may be out the door.

Always plan for the worst possible scenario. There are some sweet, beautiful Filipinas but better to examine every situation very very carefully.

Luke,

Yes it is virtually impossible to get a woman who had been married in the Philippines, to the USA legally and quickly. Annulments are available, but near impossible to get completed on any time scale that I would think relevant to your situation.
There is some talk of allowing divorce soon.
If you are rich you could get her into the USA by giving her $50,000, she then could get a visa as a tourist. Then she could divorce her husband in the USA. Make sure your state allows no fault divorces, and you serve her husband before she leaves. While in the USA she could also apply for a change of status. Some states require a 6 month stay to be a resident, some only 3 months, you have to be a resident to file for divorce in any state. There are a host of visa types available, read the US immigration page and see if you can make her qualify for one.
Have you considered living in the Philippines? I have lived there for years (before) and found many parts of the experience very rewarding. So I assume that when they say "separated" they are looking for a retired guy who could move to the Philippines and enjoy a new wife and a new country.
You suggest that a woman who is 35+ is somehow a benefit, I would not agree after meeting Filipinas and living there. For sure I would not go with a 17 year old but if I were in your position, 26 would be OK. It is about what people see Marriage as culturally, or to say, what she means when she says it, and what you mean when you say it, do not reflect exactly the same thinking as to the rolls, motivations and responsibilities of persons involved.
Your post implies to me that you have an idea that you will import a wife. I strongly caution you that this thinking might get you the wrong kind of wife. For sure during courtship I would suggest you never talk of immigration, as every Filipino knows that divorce is easy and can't be contested. Dave, a casual friend of mine, married Lusviminda Paro, and she divorced him in 3 days! After that she applied for and got federal aid, which, Dave had to compensate the federal government for. Dave bragged to me that not only was he "in love" but that he had won the national lotto in wife selection.
There is an awful lot of racism in the Philippines and few there would pity you for being such a fool, and the same thinking goes for the women who took unfair advantage of you. In other words "you are white (rich) and you can afford it", and I am brown (poor) and need a chance in life. Further, the older they are the more ingrained the stereotype of "foreigner", and the more likely she will assume many things about you that fit her mental racial profile, with an inability to see you as you are.

[Edwin]

My friend does a lot of helping of his filipina's families in the Philippines. I think it give him pleasure to do that. When he gets there for a visit he buys all the poor families a huge bag of rice. He spent a lot of money along with his filipina wife, who also works to have her family build a nice home. He is happy to do that. He is not rich, but neither is he poor, and he and his filipina wife basically employ her family to work for them, and they are all very happy with the results. He is very generous, and he even gives people he doesn't know money, against the better judgement of her family, but that is my friend, very generous, and very giving. None of them are taking advatage of any other, whether her family or visa versa. She is his wife. His first wife is dead from cancer. His kids are grown and gone, and his filipina's family is his family. He is devoted to them as much as you could imagine. After they got married he has gotten back into church, and takes the lead to pray over every meal, and I think that is wonderful. His filipina wife made it a policy not to ask for money because of the idea people have about that. Soon after she got a job, then started sending her money home to her family. Now she has a better job, and is able to help more. Her American husband pitches in also. Some of her family told me personally what a wonderful man they thought he was, and she told me that they have it hard, and that he helps them. He is glad to do that, and it is a reward for him to do something good for someone else.

[Manilaman]

My friend does a lot of helping of his filipina's families in the Philippines. I think it give him pleasure to do that. When he gets there for a visit he buys all the poor families a huge bag of rice. He spent a lot of money along with his filipina wife, who also works to have her family build a nice home. He is happy to do that. He is not rich, but neither is he poor, and he and his filipina wife basically employ her family to work for them, and they are all very happy with the results. He is very generous, and he even gives people he doesn't know money, against the better judgement of her family, but that is my friend, very generous, and very giving. None of them are taking advatage of any other, whether her family or visa versa. She is his wife. His first wife is dead from cancer. His kids are grown and gone, and his filipina's family is his family. He is devoted to them as much as you could imagine. After they got married he has gotten back into church, and takes the lead to pray over every meal, and I think that is wonderful. His filipina wife made it a policy not to ask for money because of the idea people have about that. Soon after she got a job, then started sending her money home to her family. Now she has a better job, and is able to help more. Her American husband pitches in also. Some of her family told me personally what a wonderful man they thought he was, and she told me that they have it hard, and that he helps them. He is glad to do that, and it is a reward for him to do something good for someone else.

Sounds like a foolish man, trying to buy love. I bet if he shut off the funds and told his filipina wife to top sending money his marriage would fail, she would dump him. But, that being said I certainly believe he has every right to be foolish if that's what he wants to do.

[CoolLuke]

Thanks for the opinions and advice. I should have mentioned that my first option is to live in the PI, but I do not want to live with a Separated person. The last thing I need is an angry PI husband on my doorstep so my thinking is it is Divorced or never married only. As to coming to the US, I would like to spend a part of the year in each place. I have it pretty good (lotsa big-boys toys) here and would not be selling up.

@abufarsi:
You may be correct with a 26 year old, I just don't feel it is right for me. I am not naive and have been single and dating for more than the past 10 years and the younger women I have met just do not cut it for what I want in a mate. There have been two younger Filipinas (age 28 and 37) from near (200 miles) where I live and, while it was fun for a while, but I soon became bored with their need to be doing something all the time. Living with the TV or radio always turned on, headphones plugged into an MP3 player, constantly on their phone to friends or just generally over-active for my lifestyle.

I spent most of my working life scooting around the world and I now love sitting and doing nothing. Hell, I racked up a 250,000 miles in one year. That's a lot of hotel rooms. I am now retired and enjoy the moderate things like sitting watching the sunset. I have several motorcycles and enjoy day or weekend trips on those, but probably only five or six times per year is more than enough. I figure an older woman is going to be closer to my line of relaxation. Not that frequent sex is off the menu, but I want it to be like a savored-desert rather than breakfast, lunch and dinner. LOL

Well, I have really hijacked my own thread here.

CL

[Edwin]

I have also read here somewhere that adultry in the Philippines carries a 7 year jail sentence, so it would be a good idea not to do that. Where I read it said that, "In the Philippines adultry is not only a sin, but it is a crime which carries a 7 year jail sentence. So that would be one good reason not to live with a woman who is still married to someone else.

[CoolLuke]

adultry in the Philippines carries a 7 year jail sentence

Is there such a thing as legally separated? If so, surely that would overcome the adultery issue.

CL