Filipinas-Want An American Man?

[Manilaman]

Edwin, it does not seem based on your description of the terrible state of your marriage, that your approach has worked very well.

Men are not women so don't expect them to be. Crisi is correct, women struggle with their feelings. A woman who can not deal with her feelings is unstable and not a good partner.

A Filipina is raised in a culture that is much more emotional than American culture. Filipino culture is more laid back, easy going but does not produce men who are steady, solid, hardworking, dependable. Filipino men tend to feel-good (drink, gamble, womanize) but this does not make a good husband so Filipinas look outside their culture for hardworking, dependable men with resources to support them. An American man must work X to provide for himself, then he must work XX to provide for himself and his Filipina wife who wants children so he must then work XXXX . It's crazy for a Filipina to reject a feel-good Filipino man to find a hardworking American man then change her mind and say he should work less and spend more time with her. She wants to have it both ways.

If a Filipina wants an American husband she should show him she is solid, consistent and emotionally stable. If she wants a hardworking, stable, dependable man who will support her and her children, appreciate him very much, take good care of him when he comes home from work and do not complain that he spends so much time at work. If a Filipina wants a feel-good man she can stay in the Philippines and marry a Filipino man that drinks, gambles and womanizes. She will get plenty of emotion--her own soap opera. Is there enough money for food, where is the rent money, did he go gambling, did he go to work, does he have a girlfriend?

So you want an American man that provides you stability, security, resources or a Filipino man who provides lots of emotion, drama? Make up your mind and find the man you want, but do not change your mind after you marry him.

[Andrewm]

What ManilaMan started here is correct. I concur.

No couple can survive on the big swing ups & downs of a "feelings" or "emotions" roller coaster.

ManilaMan is correct: Many men would like to find that right Christian woman, court her (get to know her over time), and then commit in marriage. These men see the world for what it is: A struggle. A never-ending struggle. Sure, there can be better days and all is not gloom & doom. But, folks, if you trust the book of Genesis, we live under the "curse." Toiling by the sweat of our brows -- as we read in Genesis -- is real. And that is our life on this earth until Jesus returns.

Marriage is seldom unending bliss. It is cooperation, it is understanding. It is helping the other when you don't feel like it. It is still working together when tired. It is supporting one another. It is not knee-jerk reactions. And it is certainly not shallow.

Many Christian men who have not married are concerned. While the divorce rate of 70% that one member shares here may not be true everywhere, it is very high. Way too high. And high amongst couples that call themselves Christians.

Ladies: Here is how you can help. Listen to Manilaman. 1) Don't offer just a long, long list of what you expect your man to be. That's pure fiction. That's some fantasy Dreamland. Know that your man's feet will also be made of clay. He has no "S" on his shirt; he'll be a good man but not nearly perfect, not even close. 2) Don't lead a life of ups and downs, highs and lows with your feelings & emotions. That is what we call mercurial. Unstable. A weak life foundation. That's someone who is shaky.

A short real story:

A relative of mine who is older married about 12 years ago. We'll call my cousin Stephen. Stephen is a Christian; his bride is a Christian. They make a lovely couple. Both are smart, well educated. Both attend church gladly and are mature Christians. So...was their marriage safe? Was it just easy sailing? No way! It is a genuine struggle for them, too. He confided in me that the 2d -4th years of their marriage were the worst. Why? Her feelings. Stephen would tell me: "I love her, I do. But, boy, she's never just simply content. She's always this way or that. She's too hot or she's too cold. She's too tired or too full of energy. She's hungry or she's full. She wants to go shopping but doesn't feel like walking. She's feeling ill again or just not like doing anything. She's thirsty. She's tired of the same old food. She's feeling bored. She's feeling stressed. She feels a bit too removed from her friends one week; two weeks later feels overwhelmed by too many engagements/events with these same friends."

You get the picture. Stephen shared this with me several times. He was bewildered. He loved his wife. But he was just not prepared to deal with all these various wide-ranging feelings practically all the time. Well, a lot of the time. He felt she was simply too unstable. He felt she could not just simply be having a normal day or normal week and be happy. And he would blame himself for her discontentment. (He struggled with how to keep her content.)

This almost brought their marriage to the brink of failure. Thankfully, prayer, conversation, and some counseling from a family friend helped. But it did not come overnight. Stephen knew he was to be his wife's support, but he really wanted a stronger life partner, not one so often up/down, mercurial.

I think that is the essence of the message so far in this thread. A man really wants harmony in his home. He wants a woman who helps all the time to create solace in the home, peace, tranquility. Because the outside world is indeed a daily tempest.

My final thought: Satan is real. He prowls about as the lion seeking whom he may devour. All of you know this thought is straight from Scripture. Satan wants NO marriage to succeed. Satan particularly targets all Christian marriages. Why should yours be immune from his demonic attacks?

That is why both partners must already be very strong, stable, mature, responsible, content, and joy-filled prior to saying "I do." If you are none of these things, your husband or your wife is not magically going to offer you these vital life characteristics.

Maybe this helps for some. Remember, commit your marriage relationship fully to God. You need His protection. Satan covets the day he can destroy you.

[bushdr3]

II agree with your points...and add "This is a topic that sould be viewed by all"
and in my opinion-I have no problem bringing in the bread-just that I might have one if the one I'm bringing it to is in bed with the loser down the street...! It has been my experience(I'm hoping that its not universal) that good guys get screwed over.And/or turned down.