meeting filipina's in church?

[mathew100]

I have been thinking that churches would be an excellent place for white guys like me living in the phillipines to meet good and decent women. If I start going to church regularly, I am a protestant, and do not have a reputation as a guy chasing girls in bars, would I have much of a chance of meeting and getting introduced to suitable women?

My impression is that phillipines culture is very match making orientated, so my guess is this would work well.

What do you guys thank?

[abufarsi]

This is such an obvious tactic that I suspect the post is a plant.



Just the same,

WELL OF COURSE IT IS.

So many services in English as well. Most of us are not actually in the Philippines so attending Sunday services might be inconvenient.

Just the same, If I were in the PI and looking for a life's companion, I am not sure I would ask a Filipino for help as, you are sure to get it, and, their idea of a good match may be far from yours. How long will you stay in the PI? Could you really give any prospect a fair hearing?

An advantage of on line dating is that you can weed through contacts discreetly. If you were in the PI, and you dated a girl 2 times, and you still wanted to meet another, you should break it off with the first woman, or at least make it clear, to her and her family, that you are still actively searching. Courting takes time, and how much of that will you have with your vacation visit to the PI? What woman would not suspect that you are looking for a "cruse ship fling"?

When you search on line, you get names of women who; have decided that they would consider a foreigner as a mate; that they already do not have entanglements; than they are willing to attempt a courtship of words, at least to start. Approaching a woman in church can be a real minefield, especially when you have announced that you are searching for or imply such (it would be a reasonable bet that every person in that church will suspect such when you arrive the first day).

Be careful.

When I go to church, it is to be closer to God, not develop a hot prospect for a date. I would hope you too would exercise proper decorum.

[mathew100]

Well, my post was not a "plant". What I was talking about is a situation where i am in the phillipines for 6 to 12 months and went to church regularly, like i do back home. I feel it is a good way of meeting good women but wondered if maybe it was not culturally correct.

For sure I was not thinking of using a church as a meat market. There is no need for that, there are plenty of bars where it is really easy to buy women, but that is not what I want to do. And I suspect the average woman in the church probably tends to be a better prospect than I might find on the internet.

As for approaching a woman in church, no way!! But I was thinking I might get introduced to someone over time.

But of course anything is possible.

[abufarsi]

It is "culturally correct" to meet people any place.

If I were you though, I for sure would not plan a 6-12 month excursion to the Philippines, thinking I could find a suitable mate in that time.

Develop prospects here, then visit them there. Gossip is everywhere and for you to reasonably plow through the "possibles" and not discourage the "likelier" while doing so seems difficult to me.

If you went to a Catholic Church in a city such as Cebu, there would be perhaps 300 unattached or partially attached women in semi regular attendance at that church. Of those, 100 would consider marrying a foreigner as a high plus. Of those 100 a solid 50 would consider the fact that you were a foreigner (and thus rich) a good enough reason to marry you. Personally I would not want to get married because the woman felt that I was a good tool to help her family financially.

When you meet that woman in church, perhaps the second visit to that church, and she smiles and appears friendly, is she one of the 200, the 100, or the 50? You should decide which category you are shopping for before going there and reason it well.

Filipinas are known for their jealousy, and no place else is it more true that "hell hath no furry than of a woman scorned". So there is a good chance that a poor first decision would "poison the well".

The number one thing a Filipina wants to learn about her boy friend is if he is "marriage minded" and not totally "sex minded". This is in a land where the ability to lead somebody into a false assumption is considered a good, wise, skill to posses. Neither She or her family will trust you and any success will depend on both things happening.

YOU are a foreigner and not part of any social order, and can't "blend" in with any group in under 5 years. So discrete inquiries are impossible.

[KenKalico]

Matthew, my simple thoughts are "go right ahead." What better place anywhere than to meet someone to date or possibly marry? Once one is beyond school age or university age, what other place is there? Specifcially when one is away from hometown and, in your case, abroad in another land. It is not like you have an aunt or uncle there to introduce you to a nice, suitable woman at a backyard get together.

There will always be naysayers. But there is nothing wrong with this idea. And, if the Philippines is like here, then there are plenty of women in church looking for a suitable man. Here I see middleaged widows and, yes, women divorced and with children. If God so leads you in your heart, it can certainly be the work of service (and of the Lord) to step in and aid this woman - as a firmly Christian man - in raising her children. Kids need fathers. You probably see a lot of this in the Philippines too, I think.

Are not women also in church because the available men they encounter at work or through normal social contacts just do not measure up? They are there looking for Godly men. The smart ones are.

Sure, there will be some in that church who might think you are just there for something less than pure motives. But don't let that disuade you. There are always those that gossip and malign in their thoughts, with their tongues. If your motives are pure and you seek God's direction for the right church family to join, I say go for it.

God knows your heart. You know your heart. If you are there and wish for a woman companion, the church is where you should be. Just don't fail to meet some of the good men there, too, while attending. Develop relationships and friendships with all. And consider this: Volunteer to help with Sunday School, teens, or food services for the poor. That is where you will find a good woman - volunteering.

[BigBlastGuy]

I don't believe that church attendance in the Philippines or anywhere is a good indicator of the person's character. Since there is no divorce you can not use the Philippines as an example but look at the USA, divorce rate is basically the same for church-goers as non. Church in the Philippines is very much a cultural issue, many Filipinos are poor and church is a no cost social event.

The big danger with meeting someone in church is making an assumption or presuming they are a person of good character because they are in church. I bet that most guest relation officer / hostess / night-life girls attend church. Filipinas attending church will be a cross section of Filipino society, some good some bad

A person's true character is observed in their daily life not in their church attendance, education or economic status.

[KenKalico]

"A person's true character is measured in daily life and not...."

So churchgoing and participation are not part of daily life or real life? Churchgoing is all acting?

Church -- real church -- is not passive. It is active, participatory.

It isn't just sitting in a chair or pew for 60 minutes, swiftly departing and then repeating 3-4 times per month.

Churches are doing places. Where congregants are interacting together in all kinds of ways. Sunday mornings are just the icing on the cake. The real meat and potatoes of church life (as the Body of Christ) are in all the hours from Mondays to Saturdays.

Note how I closed my note by talking about Matthew considering volunteering at the church he selects. Help with set up prior to services or tear down. Help in the kitchen. Help with moving chairs. Be more involved and help with the church's youth work or Sunday School program. There he will most likely meet a few single women.

Get involved in a street evangelism team and he'll meet potentially eligible women. Certainly for basic friendships and conversation.

The fate most men have in their 30's and 40's (and the rest of their working lives)? The work environment -- where one has the most weekly social contacts -- is primarily male. Or the women there are already married and with children. This offers very little opportunity for the single male.

Church offers us everything in life's spectrum: The senior citizens and the newborns. And all ages in between.

Matthew, enjoy your time in the Philippines. I note that you talk about a 6 - 12 months stay. That is a healthy amount of time. If you were just going for a snapshot 2-3 weeks, well, that wouldn't be sufficient time to permit you to meet and even become much acquainted.

Let's lay aside too much naivete on Matthew's part. He's most likely astute enough to see through the person attending church who is not there for the right motivations in her heart. Just as he is astute enough to know that there are some really bizarre forms of 'church' there that are phony, false doctrines and false protestant 'pastors' abound.

And I believe that the goal of this is: Meeting. Getting to know a woman there. It is not steps: 1. Meet, 2. Date, 3. Engage, 4 Marry all in rapid succession, right? I think that Michael hopes to meet, talk, get to know, date, and then keep up a correspondence once back in NZ. That's my hunch of his plans, and I think that is solid.

Again: What better place to meet a possibly very suitable decent, good, upright woman than in a church?

[mathew100]

it has been very interesting to read they various opinons expressed re this thread. i have been quite suprised to read comments that i would probably access a "better woman" online or as a pen pal than through going to a church in the phillipines.

of course some terrible women go to church; not all the males there would be perfect either! but surely meeting women online is not perfect either. there are heaps of scams and everyone knows that often a persons online persona is very diferent to their real life reality. of course i could start writing to say 10 women, and spend a lot of time writing and thinning them out over time. then go to the phillipines to see if they were who i thought they were.

but i had a clever idea, i would stay in the phillipines for up to 12 months, live a low key lifestyle and go to church regularly like i do in new zealand. well, i am not so sure now. i have a reasonable amount of money and could afford to live there permanently, i think that appeals to me but of course i would have to try it first. so my thinking was that if i go to church regularly as a normal part of my life. i would meet all sorts of people including 100's of ladies who may or may not be interested. but over time i am sure i would get to know who is who and what is what. i had never thought about volunteering, but that is a great idea. meeting ladies in their community seems much better than meeting them in bars, shopping malls and online.

call me naieve, but i had never thought that the entire congregation would instantly think i was only in their church to get a woman. but if that is so, volunteer work would backfire also.

please do not get me wrong, i am not a saint. i really do appreciate women, but i just am not in to prostitutes, bar girls, picking chicks up in streets and malls etc and i am not sure about the online option either.

maybe the phillipines culture rules this out?

[abufarsi]

Mathew,

If church is a big part of your life, and you can visit the PI, go there and always keep in mind that your "job" there is to have fun. If fun to you is attending worship, do that. If you are very strict about what church you want a gal from, make up a "wanted poster" and ask those in charge if you can post it at the church you are interested in and then go to several. Far more likely that you will have a reply via text than in person, (gossip is everywhere).

For sure, 99% of the single women you are likely to meet, are not 'bar girls. Plenty of bar girls go to church. Female atheists are a group I have never encountered. Everybody goes to church, some. So to assume that you could "pre select" by virtue of church attendance, is wrong thinking.

I again advise you to not go there, blind, planning on staying 6 months to a year. Getting settled in the Pi is WORK and requires either lots of cash or an investment that is hard to recoup after you return home even for a short time.

Plan a 6 week visit, I would stay out of big cities as they are hot and dirty, go around and stay in Pension houses. Go home and respond to those who picked you. Go back.

[mathew100]

make up a "wanted poster"and hung it up in churches!!! i would never dream of doing that. i would jut keep going to church like i do every sunday and what happens happens. i am not fanatical on what church i go to, so long as it protestant though i am quite conservative. no way do i talk in tongues etc.

i am just not too keen on internet dating and newspaper adverts.