quips and quotes

[abufarsi]

found this on another site..

It is a place on earth where...

1. Every street has a basketball court.

2. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.

3. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.

4. Students pay more tuition money than they will earn afterward.

5. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.

6. Call-Center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.

7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.

8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.

9. Everything can be forged.

10. All kinds of animals are edible.

11. Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.

12. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours. (Usually not in Davao)

13. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.

14. Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.

15. The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster and Facebook.

16. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!

17. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.

18. People can pay to defy the law.

19. Everything and everyone is spoofed.

20. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (peke)! (copies)

21. The honking of car horns is a way of life.

22. Being called a bum is never offensive.

23. Flood waters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.

24. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.

25. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy. (out of fashion)

26. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw) (came from the thieves)

27. Where insurance does not work.

28. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty. (except in Davao)

29. Clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).

30. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)

31. Where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people go.

32. Ateneo is where all the nerds go.

33. La Salle is where all the Filipino Chinese go.

34. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Filipino Chinese go and;

35. University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go.

36. Fast food is a diet meal.

37. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

38. Where being mugged is normal and it happens to everyone. (Not! in Davao)

39. Rodents are normal house pets. (Not! in Davao

40. The definition of traffic is the 'non-movement' of vehicles.

41. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements and;

42. The new fighter planes are displayed in museums.

43. Where alcohol and cigarettes are a necessity; and where the lottery is a commodity.

44. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.

45. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.

46.. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos but not a thousand.

47. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual (Grabe talaga 'to!)

48. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax)

- than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.


49. For the many Filipinos, to be in politics is a dream to get rich quick.


50. Graft and corruption in the government are accepted facts of life.



53. Pag-pag (recycled leftovers) is in a poor man's menu.

54. The politicians and big shots are always in the front seats everywhere, even in church.

55. The birthday celebrant is the one treating everybody.

56. And where everyone wants to leave the country!

FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:

1. The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called "Petal Attraction".

3. A 24-hour restaurant called "Doris Day & Night"

4. Barber shop called "Felix The Cut";

5. A bakery named "Bread Pitt"

6. Fast-food place selling 'maruya' (banana fritters) called "Maruya Carey".

7. Then, there is "Christopher Plumbing"

8. A boutique called "The Way We Wear"

9. A video rental shop called "Leon King Video Rental"

10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called "Caintacky Fried Chicken"

11. A local burger restaurant called "Mang Donald's" (San Fdo, La Union )

12. A doughnut shop called "MacDonuts"

13. A shop selling 'lumpia' (egg roll) in Makati called "Wrap and Roll"

14. And two butcher shops called " Meating Place and Meatropolis" .

15. A shop selling fish "isda" in Davao called "IsdaBest"

Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the 'Taglish' (The Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino) such as:

15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu :
We hab sopdrink in can an in batol? [Translation: We have soft drinks in can and in bottle].

16. Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises -
[translation: Beads and Pieces --or-- Bits and Pieces]

There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to 'correct' them like........

17. In a restaurant in Baguio City , the 'summer capital' of the Philippines :
Wanted: Boy Waitress

18. on a highway in Pampanga:

We Make Modern Antique Furniture

19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan :

We Shoot You While You Wait

20.. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila :
Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier

Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:

21. A shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying:
We Sell Imported Robber Shoes? (These could be the 'sneakiest' sneakers);

22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads:
House for Rent, Fully Furnaced (It must really be hot inside)!

23. A laundry place in Manila called: Cinnabon. (a word for soap)

24. A funeral establishment in Quezon City: Mabuhay Funeral Services. (Mahuhay is like la chiam, "To Life!"

25, City in southern Philippines which said: Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation.

26. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling Hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia - owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively - (believe it or not)!

27. Some folks also 'creatively' redesign English to be more efficient. The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words, says reader Robert Goodfellow who came across a sign.....
'House Fersallarend' (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when two will do?

28. According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit in the Philippines . Why? Because we are in a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors



29. Another fast food restaurant in Manila called King Burger using the same logo ( crown ) as Burger King.

Now I ask you where else in the world would one want to live?

[jadegil6]

Five things that you cannot get back:

(1) The Stone...........after it's thrown,
(2) The Word...............after it's said,
(3) The Occasion......after it's missed,
(4) The Time.............after it's gone, and
(5) A person...............after they die.

[chaychay644]

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.---why is it that having two mothers-in-law is a punishment?..simply because they are sometimes the people that are difficult to please and to be with..so be careful in choosing a partner...try your best to please their parents or else your in a big trouble soon ...lol

[Edwin]

Sir Michael, those are very serious things you listed that a person can't get back. That should make us all stop and think about those things. A saying that I remember, and I'm not really sure what it means, is, "If you live in a glass house, you shouldn't throw stones." Throwing stones could typify any kind of destructive action that causes damage. God is the one who evens the score; we don't need to do that. Our daughter reminded us of the fact that words spoken can't be taken back. Once words are spoken they will always be remembered by someone. We may forgive, but we don't have God's ability to forget. We always remember the words spoken and they hurt. Carol tries to help me turn loose of bad feelings and bad memories. When someone says something mean or does something mean, we need God to help us forgive that person and forget the hurts that come with those things. If we hang on to those things we just hurt ourselves and we end up bitter. How many times have we had an opportunity, and we let if slip by, and when it is gone, it is gone. When opportunities come knocking we need to be ready to make the best of them. We need to redeem the time because the days are evil. There will come a time that "Time shall be no more," but for now we live by the clock. Now is the accepted time. Time is what Jesus was talking about when He said "the fields were ripe until harvest." When harvest time comes the crop only lasts a short time, and if it is not harvested, it will be destroyed, or go to waste. If the wheat is not combined before it starts raining it will be lost. You've heard the expression, "Give your flowers while the person is alive." It is a lot better to appreciate the person before that person dies, rather than trying to make up for it by doing things after the person is dead. Then it is too late!

I can't think of anything worse than having 2 mother-in-laws! Not all mother-in-laws are evil. Some are quite nice. I guess it could work either way; a less than perfect son or daughter-in-law, or a less than perfect mother-in-law! I agree with ChayChay, better to try to please the parents!

[jadegil6]

Just saw something that made me think, and that is:

People are made to be loved.
And things are made to be used.
But all too often, the world gets that confused.
And people are used and things are loved.

[Edwin]

This is very true, Sir Michael. Many people do have that backwards, and they do love things and use people. In the business world sometimes life gets ruthless. People think nothing of stepping on other people to get what they want or where they want to go. People get their priorities mixed up. Often times they will put their careers ahead of their families. Feminism has a lot to do with that. People are selfcentered, and they want what they want, and who cares about the other person. In the process they end up destroying themselves, because no one in their right mind wants a feminist for a marriage partner. Self assertiveness becomes out of control. They get so they don't care about anything except themselves, and they end up being the losers.

[Smiley]

I agree with you both. In this self-centered society of instant gratification,too many people lose track of what is really important. For years I worked a second job doing door (Bouncer) at a couple kinda rough bars.Ive seen some pretty depressing things over the years.
The biggest and perhaps saddest irony of the barfly is that they will treat strangers as family and family as strangers.

[Edwin]

Yes, Smiley, you being a past bouncer, I will bet that you have seen a lot of things. That is sad when strangers get treated as family, and family get treated as strangers. I know what you mean though because many people do not even like their family and relatives, and that is very sad. I like it when there is a closeness of family, and when people are glad to help each other in times of need. The self centered society is the problem where people only think of themselves and no one else.